Schlameel, Schlamaazal, Hassenpepper Incorporated!
I'm sure you recall the catchy chant that opened the popular 1970s TV show "Laverne & Shirley." Who could forget those nutty ladies and their antics in life and love? It was that sense of warm friendship and camaraderie that we were hoping to create when we welcomed the two newest members of the Mendez clan. No puppies, kittens or other furry animals. Instead, Santa was kind enough to bring us two beta fish...aptly named Laverne and Shirley.
Now, before you tell me that two beta fish can't be in the same tank, we were assured by the fine fish experts at Petsmart that as long as both fish were female, we would be fine. They would live in harmony and one day grow to love one another. What we didn't count on was that Laverne would quickly turn into a fish-eating maniac.
Poor Shirley tried valiantly (and desperately) to swim away, but Laverne continued to chase her and gradually bite off all of her fins. Adrian and I had a little moment of silence for her and sent her swirling off to the big fish tank in the sky.
Enter Shirley #2. (Same color. Similar look.)
Once again, before you tell me it's not fair to have replaced Sam's fish with a look-alike and to have "tricked" him, it's been done to all of us. The "new" Darren on "Bewitched?" You know you didn't like him as well, but he did a good job. Same thing for Vivian Banks on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." It happens all of the time. Deal.
We had high hopes for Shirley Part Deux. She was a little larger, a little livelier. The two of them got along famously. For awhile. After three weeks or so, it started again. A little nip here, another there. Eventually, Flushing Ceremony Part Deux.
We decided, then, to become a one-fish family and I cleaned out and freshened up her tank. Although I earned good marks in both high school and college chemistry classes, I apparently didn't learn enough to follow simple on-bottle instructions and Laverne joined her co-stars a few weeks ago.
The tank still sits there, and Sam still wishes both of them a good night before settling down in his bed. It's as if the show is on hiatus and we're watching re-runs. With $6 and another trip to Petsmart, we'll have all-new episodes soon.
Monday, March 23
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